Banana

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Banana: The life and death
Banana likes to dance. Banana likes to sing. Banana likes to stick himself up Charlie's ear. Banana like to jump. Banana likes to run. Banana likes to delete this article. Because banana knows this is a top secret document about the bananas. Banana likes to chase screaming people.

The banana originated of the coast of LaLaLand. The elves used them as boomerangs. One day, the bananas got sick and tired of being thrown around. They didn't like being fed to the spider monkeys. They didn't like being used as earmuffs. The banana king was sick of all this and demaned equality. The elves of Minigolfius didn't really care. But the bananas knew what must be done. They tried to hunt down and kill every spider monkey in all eight of the trees. They were stopped by a very hungry Vernosaurus that sat on them. The bananas didn't like the king, so they found a leader named Charlie the Unicorn. He was a great king, for two minutes. So the bananas stole his robbed him of his possesions and chucked him in the river. The bananas then found a portal that lead to the real world.

The bananas were on some tropical island, and were tired. They went to sleep up in a tree. The next morning, they were awakened by a man pulling one from the tree. They yelled as loud as they could to stop the man, but he couldn't understand them. There went Fred. Another man came up to the tree. There went Jimmy. They started puting the bananas in crates. There went Bob, Stevie, Johnny, Doug, Jason, Jimbob, Jack, and Lisa. The bananas had hatched up a plan. One of the bananas took his peel (clothes) off and threw it on the ground. The man was eating Lisa when he slipped on Robert's peel. He landed with a thud and choked on Lisa. The bananas were now guilty of murder.

The bananas were later taken by more men, and shipped off to different islands. They were used as currency in Ook. They had been stolen by a big gorilla named Donkey Kong. They had been made to do the banana song in front of hundreds of people. They were humiliated! That's when the newly elected banana king had an idea. Since most of the bananas were shipped from Japan, they decided it would be there target. The bananas snuck into a secret government laboratory and stole an Atomic Bomb. They flew over Hiroshima and dropped it. The destruction it caused was unknowable until it happened. The bananas now had 100,201 deaths on there hands or whatever they use.

The bananas escaped and blamed it on the U.S. Suprisingly, it worked. But the bananas felt guilty abotu what they did. They asked an evil wizard to help them not feel guilty. They paid him a billion dollars, and in turn he turned them into fruit with no emotions, no nerves, no eyes, no ears, no mouth, no nose, head, shoulders, knees, and toes, knees and toes! Ok, anyway, the bananas got there eternal punishment, for ETERNITY! The end.

Scientific name

 * Bananis Banananisamis

Green Bananas
Green bananas are young bananas before they turn yellow (I'm not going to tell you why they turn yellow).

A brief explanation of Lalaland
Lalaland is a little place where Chihuaha Butterflies roam freely, and Tyrannodragons chase elves. Minigolf is the dominant sport, given to the Elf King by the Golfadon. Except when they have tournaments, losers die. There are many different places in Lalaland. Sparkletopia, Minigolfius, The West Sea, The Eight Trees (yes there are only eight), and Arturus are just some of the places. There are Spider Monkeys, Octo-squids, Vernosauruses, Tyrannodragons, Chihuaha Butterflies, Sponge Monsters, Unisises, and Unicorns run around everywhere. Lalaland is AWESOME!

Varieties
There are Red Bananas, Yellow Bananas, Blue Bananas (not gonna tell you why there blue), Green Bananas, Purple Bananas (they are purple for the same reason as the blue ones), and Orange Bananas.

Geography
Bananas are everywhere. There's one here, there's one over there, there one up my nose.

Nutritional Qualities
High in carbohydrates, low in fat, high in potassium and Vitamin C.

Trivia
Once you eat a banana, it is likley to explode. How do you stop this?

Rub yourself with Possum Juice (put a possum in a juicer).

Wine Pairings
Zinfandel Blanc, Vouvray.

Equivalencies
1 lb. fresh = 3 medium bananas = 2 cups sliced = 1¾ cup mashed = 1 cup dried

Additional Information
http://www.uffva.org

Banana Recipes

 * Impossible Banana Cream Pie
 * Banana Bread
 * Amazon-fried Bananas

Source

 * Fruit of the Month: Banana by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, public domain government resource—original source of article
 * Parts of this article were originally published at Suite101.com.