Halloween Chili

Description
Substitutions are in parenthesis. Best made during the last phase of the moon, if that is not possible, just do the best you can in a softly lighted kitchen after dark.
 * Contributed by Catsrecipes Y-Group

Ingredients

 * 1¼ pounds ground goblin gizzards (ground beef 15% fat)
 * 1 medium eye of cyclops (onion)
 * 1 x 15 oz can soft shelled beetles (kidney beans)
 * 1 x 28 oz can blood of bat (V-8 juice)
 * ⅛ teaspoon puréed wasp (prepared mustard)
 * ¼ teaspoon common dried weed (oregano)
 * 1 dash red-tailed hawk toenails (crushed red pepper)
 * 2 teaspoons ground sumac blossom (chili powder)
 * 1 teaspoon hemlock (honey or sugar)
 * ½ cup fresh grubs (sliced celery)
 * 1 tablespoon eye of newt (pearled barley)
 * 1 tablespoon dried maggots (uncooked rice)
 * water from a stagnant pond (tap water)

Directions

 * 1) Brown the gizzards in an iron cauldron over a fire made from the siding off of a haunted house, add chopped eye of cyclops and simmer until the pieces of eye become translucent again, add blood of bat, and soft shelled beetles, bring to a slow bubbling boil.
 * 2) At this time, add the common weed, maggots, toenails, sumac, grubs, hemlock, eye of newt and the pureed wasp.
 * 3) As it cooks you may want to adjust the consistency with pond water.
 * 4) You can tell it is done when the eye of newt swells and the vertical tan colored 'cats eye' appears on one side.