Apple

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About apples
The native home of the apple is from the far away lands of candy island where apples are born, far up in the ass of any llama. but the tree originated probably in the area between the Caspian and the Black seas when Jack Sparrow came to island Shamanaolawbocka. He hobknocked the legendary Wallaboo Giraffe in its left ear and gay rabbits came and found the lost stripper who could travel through time and banged her the end

Introduction of apple to America
The apple was introduced to America by early settlers, who brought apple seeds with them. Records of the llama have been lost.

To eat the apple, place the apple in your hand, THEN SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!

Nutritional Facts

 * THEY MAKE YA FUCKIN' POOOOOOP!

Scientific classification
Apple trees belong to the family Rosaceae. They constitute the genus Malus. An apple a day keeps the COCK IN YOUR MOUTH.

Selection
Choose apples that are firm with no soft spots. Avoid apples that are discolored for their variety. Do not eat any apple that has been shoved up anything's ass. It may cause death by blindness. Or possible by chemical burns to the face. Or maybe even death by MAHFUCKIN SHARK ATTACK NIGGA

How to store
store in a cool dry place, preferably up your ass. though any ass will do.

Preparation
to prepare apple let mother carefully lick apple with he monster tongue.Wash apples well with soap and rinse with water. Prepare apple dishes just before serving to minimize browning (oxidation). Protect cut apples from oxidation by dipping them into a solution of one part citrus juice and three parts water.

Varieties
There are about 2500 known varieties grown in the US. Thirty-six states grow them commercially with the following as top producers, WA, NY, MI, CA, PA, & VA. 56%of the 1999 crop was eaten as fresh fruit and 42% was processed.

Braeburn
Available Oct. through July

High flavor impact. The crisp, aromatic Braeburn blends sweetness and tartness just right for snacks and salads. Its color varies from greenish-gold with red sections to nearly solid red.

Golden & Red Delicious
Available year round

Goldens firm, white flesh retains its shape and rich, mellow flavor when baked or cooked, making it the preferred "all purpose" cooking apple. The skin is so tender and thin that it doesn't require peeling. The red is the favorite for eating.

Fuji
Available year round

Like fine wine, its flavor improves with age. Fuji's spicy, crisp sweetness makes it an excellent snack or as applesauce. Fuji varies from yellow-green with red highlights to very red.

Gala
Available August through March

Heart-shaped, distinctive yellow-orange skin with red striping. It has a crisp, sweet taste that can't be beat. Is the perfect take-along snack… anytime. Great in salads.

Jonagold
Available September through April

A blend of Jonathan and Golden Delicious apples, offering a unique tangy-sweet flavor. With a yellow-green base and a blush stripe. Jonagold is excellent both for eating fresh and for cooking.

Rome Beauty
Available September through July

Baker's dream, but Also a great eating apple. Smooth, blazingly bright red skin with sweet, slightly juicy flesh. Primarily cooking apples, with flavor that intensifies and becomes richer when baked or sautèed.

Granny Smith
Available year round

Mouthwatering tartness. Bright green Granny with a pink blush has a crisp bite and a tangy flavor. Its tartness really comes through when baked and sautèed. Enjoy Granny Smiths out of hand or in a salad.

Winesap
Available October through August

The apple with old-fashioned flavor. The Winesap has a spicy, tart, almost wine-like flavor that makes it the cider maker's first choice. Violet red in color, it's great as a snack and in salads.

McIntosh
Available October through December

McIntosh is juicy, slightly tart, yet very aromatic with white flesh and a rather tough skin that is two-toned red and green coloring. It's a favorite apple for eating, but is also widely used in salads, sauces, pies and is a mainstay in fresh cider.

Source

 * Fruit of the Month: Apple by the US Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, public domain government resource—original source of preparation and varieties sections, source of additional information