add 3 pounds extra of sugar 

eat one before baking to ensure that eating one does absolutely nothing for you

find more muffins

hire a pro to make better muffins

poison one and feed it to your neighbor

throw them in the pool (let the muffins soak up AS MUCH chlorine AS POSSIBLE)

throw them at your least favorite squirrel

call the cops and ask them to test your muffins


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