Schmeatwich

The Schmeatwich (also known as the Subway Suffering, an American Thanksgiving, the Thickest MoFo on The Planet, and the Subway Cornucopia) is a footlong sandwich comprised of nearly every meat and cheese available at Subway. It serves four.

History

My friend works at Subway, and one night he decided to stay after hours and construct a sandwich of almost every meat and cheese in that Subway. It was free, as it was after hours and no one saw him. The next day, he brought it to school for him to share with me and the rest of his friend group. Since the school cafeteria had no knives, we used forks to cut it. It took four people to eat.

Ingredients

Meats

Note that while these were all originally from Subway, they can be substituted with other non-Subway brands.

• 8 meatballs
• 9 slices of roast beef
• 1/2 cup of steak
• 12 slices of ham
• 12 slices of turkey
• 5 pepperonis
• 5 slices of salami
• 4 strips of bacon
• 4 "Cold Cut Combo" meat (footlong)
• 2/3 cup shredded chicken
• 2/3 cup of shredded chicken (with 1/6 cup teriyaki sauce)
• 2/3 cup of shredded rotisserie chicken

Cheeses

• 1/6 cup shredded mozzarella
• 4 slices of American cheese
• 4 slices of provolone cheese
• 4 slices of pepperjack cheese
• 2 slices of fresh mozzarella

Bread

• 2 Italian Herbs and Cheese Footlong Buns (Untoasted)

Instructions

A cut of the Schmeatwich.

1. Cut open a footlong bun, but not all the way. Make it so it lies down flat, like a hot dog bun without the ends still together.
2. Place it with the inside part upwards.
3. Add in the (room-temperature) ham, turkey, meatballs, and steak.
4. Microwave the bacon for thirty seconds on high, then add it as you did the others.
5. Add in the (also room-temperature) roast beef, shredded chicken (w/ teriyaki sauce), shredded chicken (w/o teriyaki sauce), salami. pepperoni, cold cut meat, and rotisserie chicken.
6. Add the cheeses (in no particular order).
7. Slice open another footlong bun, as you did the first, and put it on top of the rest of your sandwich.
8. Microwave in one-minute increments until desired temperature.